You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
