i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
