It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
