Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
