Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
