don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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