Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
