I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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