i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
