if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
