You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize