We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You ate ashes out of my bong
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
