if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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