We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
