If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
