Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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