well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
