his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
