Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
