maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
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No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
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There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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