I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
