There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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