Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
