So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
