im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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