someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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