totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
