Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
