i always forget guys have bellybuttons
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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