things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
