i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
