Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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