I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
love makes seman taste better
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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