I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
