Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
