I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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