I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
