I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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