and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
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Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
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Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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