She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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