How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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