I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
