All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
