No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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