Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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