Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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