i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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