NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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