Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
