just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm like, not good at living.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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