please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
