i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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