I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
