i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
