glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
